Movie Review: ‘Spring Breakers’ Starring Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, James Franco

First off, the obvious needs to be stated. If you’re a parent of a precocious adolescent who wants to see the film based on the previous careers of some of the stars, I’d forget about it, unless you’re planning on giving your kids a crash course on the female anatomy and how to be OG. I’m not sure the audience will go more than ten minutes in the film without seeing at least one set of breasts on screen. While I’m certainly not one to object, they’re so prevalent by the end of the film you can almost count the few scenes that don’t have a topless female cavorting around.

As far as the actual plot of the film, I was less than impressed. The acting is mediocre, although it’s interesting (if a little unsettling) to see Franco portraying a street-hardened hustler with dreads and gold teeth.

Make no mistake; this film is a fantasy for girls and just how much they can get away with before they get in trouble. Getting arrested for armed robbery and grand theft auto? No such thing in this world. Not to mention the fact that the girls are apparently crack shots with automatic pistols (that also happen to contain infinite ammo – someone must have typed in idkfa before the movie started), while the henchmen of Alien’s nemesis apparently took shooting lessons at the Galactic Empire’s Imperial Stormtrooper school.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that as a guy, I’m all for unrealistic action films like The Expendables and the Die Hard series, so perhaps in this light I should cut the film a little slack. The film’s meant to be a fantasy of the ultimate spring break, so in this sense it works. If you’re looking to just have a little girl power fun and/or are going solely for the massive amount of mammary action bestowed upon the audience, go ahead and add a full letter grade onto my review. As it is, that was just about the only saving grace for me.

Spring Breakers gets a C…cup.