Six Twists on Romeo and Juliet, In Honor of ‘Warm Bodies’ In Theaters Today!

The Secret Sex Lives of Romeo and Juliet (1969)

It’s “Laugh-In” meets Shakespeare meets, um…soft-core porn.

Everything you need to know about the quality of this production is embodied in the fact that they somehow made a pornographic parody of Romeo and Juliet yet still didn’t think to change the name of “The Capulet’s” to the “The Copulate’s”. That’s just shameful.

Although, according to the film’s tagline, it did manage to win “Best Erotic Film” at the “Cannes Erotic Film Festival”.

But that might not even be a thing. So who knows?

Romeo Must Die (2000)

Jet Li plays a cop caught up in the crossfire between Black and Asian gangs in Oakland, California (the parts of “Oakland” that look identical to “Vancouver”). But a sticky situation gets even stickier when he falls in love with a gang-leader’s daughter played by Aaliyah.

It’s a good, if unoriginal, premise. But viewers might be left asking, “Wherefore art though, ass-kicking?” (And, yes, I know “wherefore” actually means “why” not “where”. But the joke doesn’t work that way. Enjoy your season tickets to the Globe Theater, nerd.)

The problem here is that they’ve taken one of the best cinematic martial artists working and then used CGI to “augment” his moves…moves that were in no need of augmentation. It’s tantamount to giving a boob-job to Dolly Parton.