The movie “Grindhouse” had a mock trailer of “Machete”, and Rodriguez decided to expand on this mock trailer plus the character Machete was also in Rodriguez kid flicks spy kids 1,2, and 3. The Movie “Machete” Driected by Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis, written by Rodriguez and his cousin Alvaro Rodriguez is one of the most insane movies I have ever seen. The action is insane, killing is insane, nudity is insane, all around insane.

The story begins in Mexico, where Machete(Danny Trejo) are at war with Torrez(Steven Segal), drug kingpin played. Insane circumstances lead him to flee to Texas, and by “Insane,” I mean a scene involving so many beheadings in five minutes that “Kill Bill” would find it distasteful.

Fast Forward three years later Machete who has been working as a day laborer in the U.S. receives an offer from a man named Booth (Jeff Fahey): He’ll pay Machete $150,000 to assassinate McLaughlin (Robert De Niro), a state senator whose campaign commercials refer to immigrants as an “infestation” of “parasites.” He even is in a video with vigilantes taking border control into their own hands. The vigilantes are led by Von(Don Johnson) and are gearing up for a war against Luz(Michelle Rodriguez) who uses the truck she sells tacos out of as a base of operations to connect undocumented workers.

Machete and Luz do meet each other before he accepts the Job. All along they are both being watched by watched by Sartana (Jessica Alba), a conflicted Immigrations and Customs Enforcement agent. Sartana doesn’t know if she should help Machete or take him and Luz in. (There is also for you men a great shower scene with Sartana).

The characters in “Machete” are Insane as well. I have only introduced you to a couple of the main players. We also have Machetes brother a Padre(cheech marin) who we also saw in “Grindhouse”, is a gun wielding Padre, April (Lindsay Lohan) daughter of Booth who has a drug, sex addiction, end up in a nun outfit, you have nurses that carry weapons. The cast of characters is as insane as the movie itself.

I think you will see more blood and Guts Literally in one scene than you see in most movies these days. The Nudity is insane, love scene have the Chicka Chicka Wah Wah old Porn Music going on in the back ground. With all this Insanity you would think one would be insane to like this movie. Well you can call me Insane (most people do anyway) I not only liked this movie I really liked it.

Yes the story is silly, bloody, most could not happen, but it was really well done. Rodriguez filmed the movie and gave it a gritty look, makes you think you are watching an old 70’s slasher flick. The story is not that great but you will laugh and be grossed out all at the same time. I would grade this movie an A, all men you will enjoy it, and if your wife/ girlfriend doesn’t want to go, remind her of all the chick flicks you have watched with her. This is a great way to start Fall movie season can’t wait to see what is next.

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Machete (Danny Trejo) was the best Federale around. Known as a hero to his country, he was feared by all the criminals in Mexico. That is until his family was murdered and his career was destroyed by the evil drug-lord Torrez (Steven Seagal). Narrowly escaping a deadly fire, Machete was forced to leave the country and flee to America.

First of all, this film is as professional and well done as it possibly could be for not taking itself too seriously. If you are expecting it to be an Oscar winning, cinematic triumph and you are already going to pre-order the Criterion edition – you are crazy. But if you are expecting to see an action packed tour de force, packed with a great cast and plenty of entertainment, “Machete” is the movie for you. And who else but Robert Rodriguez could pull of such a feat?

The movie is filmed in a unique style, similar to that of “Black Dynamite.” A mix between a spaghetti western, and old action movies, it is incredible how well Rodriguez pulls of the look in 2010. Adding to the creative style are hilarious shots reminiscent to 70′s vice movies, and a hilarious soundtrack. These elements coupled with some ridiculously great action scenes make for a truly entertaining film.

“Machete” has a great supporting cast. On of the main characters in the film, Senator McLaughlin, is played by Robert DeNiro. McLaughlin is running for re-election, and his platform is based on keeping illegal immigrants out of Texas. It is definitely a unique role for DeNiro, but he pulls it off without a hitch. Jessica Alba plays Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent Sartana, who is caught between doing her job and helping Machete. Michelle Rodriguez plays Luz in the film, and does a great job. Others include Jeff Fahey as Booth, Cheech Marin as Machete’s brother, Don Johnson and Lindsay Lohan.

The action in Machete is completely over the top, and that is what makes it so great. The film never takes itself too seriously, while pulling off one of the most fun movies of the year. Danny Trejo does a great job as a leading man in the role, which is something we haven’t had too much exposure to. The style of the movie is a lot of fun, and there seldom is a dull moment from start to finish.

“Machete” is a B

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The film follows Erin and Garrett a new couple that meets over a game of Centipede and when they fall harder than expected they decided to keep the relationship going when Erin has to move back across the country.  What follows is a realistic struggle as they cope with the distance, try to keep things alive, and deal with burdens of being 3000+ miles apart.  Friends and family give advice as each end of the couple struggles with the sexual frustrations, loneliness, and communication problems of being three time zones a part.  The struggle feels hard and is done very real and I can’t comment enough on how authentic they made the film feel.

The two leads are played by Drew Barrymore and Justin Long and they are a couple off screen as well; and the chemistry bleeds through the screen.  They have a timing and rhythm that comes through their characters that help make the romance come easy and be very believable.  The two are also quite funny as long is underrated in my opinion and Barrymore can be quite hilarious when she just kind of goes weird and crazy.

Beyond the leads, the supporting cast is top notch all around and I couldn’t be more happy for Charlie Day to get some exposure outside It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. His character Dan isn’t all that different from Charlie on Always Sunny but he has some great improve moments and bounces off Long and Jason Sudeikis.  Sudeikis is another funny man that gets some nice exposure here as well and he and his time traveling mustache are sure to rock your world.  Jim Gaffigan is criminally underused, as always, but he steals every scene he is in and has one of the biggest laughs of the movie.  Christina Applegate is also quite funny as always and I hope she continues to get movies now that Samantha Who? is out of the picture (sadly).

Now this is an R-rated affair and while it not quite as dirty as Something About Mary it is still quite raunchy at times.  The light hearted shouldn’t shy away as it is nothing too outrageous but it was nice to see something a little bit edgier in the genre.  Though the dirty words do fly and thank god it’s not a PG-13 affair because that edge really helped push it above the pack.  The film’s set up allows it to avoid conventions that trap so many entries in the genre and Nanette Burstein does a nice job keeping the film feeling fresh.  Improv was used a lot and Burstein’s documentary background probably helped this film to feel alive and never fall flat or slow down.  The characters actually struggle as well in their lives and aren’t perfect beautiful super starts of their field.  Not only is this more realistic but it is also far more relatable.  It’s been a nice little summer for romantic comedies; too bad no one is giving them a chance even before they get in the theater.

In the end, Going the Distance is a solid romantic comedy that is a nice R-rated spin on the genre.  Filled with a great cast and some great improvised humor the film feels fresh and real while rarely relying on throwback and broad humor.  The film does get a bit too self referential in the end, but outside of that I thought the humor worked really well.  The real life couple shines through their characters and create real and engaging leads to root for and the pair will have you smiling all the way till the end.

Going the Distance is a B

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Clooney stars as Jack/Edward, a hit man that is loosing his drive for the profession though is still as sharp as ever.  After a too close for comfort encounter with some enemies he decides to get out but his boss sucks him in for one last job.  Clooney doesn’t have to pull the trigger but is instead responsible for building the ammo and gun for a young female assassin’s next hit.  While secluded in the countryside of Italy Clooney still can’t feel safe from the Sweds and is constantly looking over his back as he puts together the pieces needed for the assignment.  Beyond the security threat, he also is coming to terms with his past and tries not to make the same mistakes moving forward.

Now, this is not the movie they are selling.  I will repeat; this is not the film the commercials are selling.  It is quite a great little film but it is not the action filled thriller the trailers will lead you to believe.  There are three action set pieces in the film, but two of them can barely be called that.  Having said that, the film keeps you on the edge of your seat and the lingering shots and ambient noise will have you caught off guard at every stray backfire or off screen noise.  Beyond not being an action film the films pacing will kill unsuspecting viewers I imagine.  It is never dull but is full of long takes, deliberate pacing, and extended moments with no dialogue at all.  Clooney is in every shot for the most part and he makes this pacing and subdued nature of the film work.  His face and eyes say so much and he shows off why he is one of the best actors working today.

The film is also beautiful, we are talking about Anton Corbijn here, and the film might up Control visually as it is just striking to look at.  The film is also unique in that every shot lingers a second or two longer than expected and it makes you think you should be seeing and looking for something you missed.  Corbijn’s camera also works wonders in when dealing with vehicles and the opening credits are the best of the year quite possibly.  The film is full of beautiful camera work throughout and the sound design is quietly brilliant as well.  The film is a technical marvel and Corbijn is someone to watch in the film medium officially from here on out.

The other surprising thing about the film is just how sexy it is.  There is a sex scene in the film that was just, well it was something else and that is thanks solely to the work of a fairly unknown actress, Violante Placido.  She is just gorgeous and sexy in this film and she has a wonderful chemistry with Clooney throughout. She also has one of the most convincing orgasms to grace the silver screen.  Playing the other female in Jack/Edwards life is Thekla Reuten as the young female assassin he is assisting on his last job.  She also has some nice chemistry with Clooney as she changes looks every time she pops up on the screen.

In the end, The American is a technical achievement and marvel for Corbijn and features a wonderful turn by Clooney.  A sexy and quiet thriller that will keep you on the edge of your seat as the film slowly moves towards its conclusion.  Watching Clooney work is a fantastic experience as always and he does a whole lot with not a lot to do here and plays a pretty bad ass assassin to boot.  Go in with the right expectations for the film and you will not be disappointed and you will discover this little thriller to be very rewarding.

The American is an A-

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Pretty sure that’s what they should have titled this movie, because that’s what I heard people uttering the most throughout the film. Combining boobs and gore and utter ridiculousness, this film has pretty much everything a guy could ask for in a summer flick.

I hadn’t seen any of Robert Rodriguez’s previous work, so I wasn’t too certain what to expect. I didn’t think the trailers looked all that appealing to me. But my buddy I took with me, Mike, was a huge fan of Grindhouse and he filled me in on what to expect.

The film starts with Machete (Danny Trejo), a Mexican federal agent, and his partner unsuccessfully raiding a druglord’s complex to rescue a hostage. After he is captured by Torrez, the druglord (Steven Effin’ Seagal),  Torrez orders him executed, not by shooting him in the head like a reasonable druglord would do, but instead by burning down the house. Obviously bullets are an expensive commodity in Mexico.

Three years later, Machete is across the border in Texas, looking for yardwork. He runs across Luz (Michelle Rodriguez), who runs a low-key taco stand but secretly heads a network dedicated to bringing immigrants across the border and helping them survive. He is recruited by Michael Benz (Jeff Fahey) to assassinate John McLaughlin (Robert DeNiro), a Texas senator who has based his platform on removing illegal immigrants from the state. The plot fails when he is double-crossed by Benz. The rest of the film follows Machete’s desire for payback to bring down Benz and, ultimately, Torrez.

I was pretty surprised to see how much starpower was present in the movie. In addition to the actors listed above, Don Johnson, Jessica Alba, Cheech Marin, and Lindsay Lohan are also featured prominently throughout the film along with a handful of other actors.

The film itself is a study in how much the director can get away in a film. Without giving away any surprises or secrets, it seems like each scene tries to outdo the previous one. Be prepared to suspend your disbelief, because plausibility pretty much rolls out the window from scene 1.

If you are a fan of the outlandish, however, there is a lot to like about this film. There’s a lot of action as well as a lot of humor, most of which is found in the outrageous. The acting is passable, but I don’t think anyone was really there expecting an Oscar-worthy performance.

There was only one issue that I had with the film concerning the nature of the political message. In light of the passage of the legislation in Arizona recently, illegal immigration has become a hot-button topic throughout America. Rodriguez includes the topic as part of the plot and it’s pretty clear where he stands on the issue. To be fair, Rodriguez does keep the mood of the film light by inserting various jokes and stereotypes, but I didn’t really like the fact that he introduced such a polemical topic into an otherwise light-hearted film.

If you’re going to Machete as a fan of Robert Rodriguez or just want to see action (or a lot of gratuitous boobs), this movie will certainly satisfy you. Realism obviously isn’t a word in Rodriguez’s vocabulary, so it’s almost like a comic for grown-ups, but it works well.

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This film has an amazing supporting cast including Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Cheech Marin, Don Johnson, Steven Segal and Robert De Niro, all of which deliver solid performances.  I was particularly impressed with Don Johnson, who plays a redneck vigilante protecting the Mexico/US border from illegals.  Johnson throws himself into the role and is barely recognizable.  All the characters were what they were supposed to be, almost cartoon-like and heavily cliched. Machete is funny, gory and never takes itself too seriously.  Robert Rodriguez has managed to make a brilliant and fun movie out of a fake trailer.  I would recommend this film to everyone, especially anyone who has never seen any of Rodriguez’s previous work.

Machete is an A

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Danny Trejo is not the best looking man in the world. I said it. But the fans love him. Looking at his film career in recent years, he appears to be one of the hardest workers in Hollywood. The man has one project after another. You have to respect that. This week he has the hotly anticipated “Machete,” in which he hooks up with four women that are all not hard on the eyes. In honor of this miracle, this week I give you the top five average looking dudes that get ridiculously good looking women.

5. Marilyn Manson is an enigma. He wears more makeup than almost any girl I know. His style is certainly his own. The man just straight up scares me. I envision him with a giant laboratory of torture devices in his basement. In reality I am sure he is a nice enough guy. He would have to be for both Rose McGowan and Evan Rachel Wood to be engaged to him at one point.

4. Adam Duritz seems like a cool guy. The lead singer of Counting Crows kind of looks like Sideshow Bob in the hair department, but looks like the type that you would sit and watch a football game with while drinking at a bar. To me, this translates into a cute girl that everyone gets along with and likes. Duritz is currently dating brunette beauty Emmy Rossum.

3. I am not a fan of Mickey Rourke. His performance in The Wrestler did not blow me away. I think he was just weird during the entire award season for that performance. And I picture him as being kind of conceited. Not only do I think he is attractive enough to snag a beauty, I don’t want to see him snag a beauty. Rourke was once rumored to be seen with Kim Basinger and is now rumored to be engaged to Russian model Elena Kuletskaya.

2. Chris Robinson is the lead singer of The Black Crowes, but I think he is more famous for once being married to Kate Hudson. He is no longer due to their divorce being finalized in 2007, but you must admit that he accomplished something pretty remarkable.

1. Hugh Hefner. The man has accomplished some miracles. Sure he is unbelievably rich. Sure he could make you into a celebrity. But there is only one thing that I see when I look at him. The man is 84. Most men don’t live to that age. He is with women one fourth his age. I will never understand it. I don’t know how the girls do it

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Enter for your chance to win a pass, good for two!

Synopsis:

What makes for the ultimate road trip? Hitchhiking, truck stops, angry bears, prickly porcupines and a golfing goose with a duck caddy. Just ask Kate and Humphrey, two wolves who are trying to get home after being taken by park rangers and shipped halfway across the country. Humphrey is an Omega wolf, whose days are about quick wit, snappy one-liners and hanging with his motley crew of fun-loving wolves and video-gaming squirrels. Kate is an Alpha: duty, discipline and sleek Lara Croft eye-popping moves fuel her fire. Humphrey’s motto – make ‘em laugh. Kate’s motto – I’m the boss. And they have a thousand miles to go. Back home rival wolf packs are on the march and conflict is brewing. Only Kate and Humphrey can restore the peace. But first, they have to survive each other. In Theaters September 17th!

In order to enter the contest, become a fan of ReviewSTL on Facebook and suggest ReviewSTL.com to all your friends (click the “suggest to friends” link on the left side of the page). Then post a comment on the ReviewSTL fan page telling us why you want to see the movie! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. PLEASE REMEMBER TO READ THE RULES!

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The Cardinals also announced that they hoped to start winning once again in 2011, and perhaps even before then. The odds of that are looking questionable, however, after the Cardinals dropped their fifth straight game on Wednesday, losing 5-2 to Houston. The Cardinals have all but handed over the division title to the Cincinnati Reds and are falling back in the race for the wild card.

KMOX began exclusive broadcasting of the Cardinals games in 1954. Some of the most prominent broadcasters in baseball have taken the mic for the station, including Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Joe Buck, and Mike Shannon.

Cardinals fans have nothing to fear, however, as Mike Shannon has agreed to return to KMOX in exchange for free ice cold frosty Bud Lights between innings. John Rooney will also be retained.

John Rooney, Mike Shannon.

If you’re among the newer generation who’s never listened to Mike Shannon broadcast a game, for God’s sakes, do so. He’s perhaps one of the most unintentionally quotable broadcasters around. My personal favorite came from spring training a few years ago when he described a “ground ball pop fly.”

Some of his classic quotes:

“This big standing room only crowd is settling into their seats.”

“He ran to second faster than a cat in Chinatown.”

“The Dodgers are ahead by 5 runs or 3 runs or in between there somewhere.”

”He went after that ball like a Mexican diving for a nickel rolling down the street in Mexico City!”

“Our next home stand follows this road trip.”

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Takers follows a crew of successful bank robbers, who have just completed a large scale job, and once again are gearing to lay low for a year, until they can plan their next heist. These guys are careful, and meticulous in their planning, and no huge risks (other than robbing a bank) are taken. Things change suddenly when an unexpected friend shows up fresh from prison with a sure fire way to make $20 million dollars. Seeing a payday too large to pass up, the group quickly forgets their reservations about their old buddy, and their normal rules and sets in motion a huge score. The group might have another problem on its hands, as two detectives are hot on the heels of the robbery, and will stop at nothing to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

The problem with Takers lies in the plot and the characters, neither of which are very original. As I mentioned earlier a film like this is truly in the realm of fantasy, but it has trouble embracing it, and simply keeps the plot quite pedestrian. At times it feels like watching Oceans 11 minus the charm, plus a bit more of high octane thrills.

Try as they might, talented actors like Idris Elba and Matt Dillon give their best at giving the wooden characters some personality, but ultimately they fail under the less than talented supporting cast of Paul Walker, Hayden Christensen, Chris Brown, and Jay Hernandez. The weakest link of all in the cast is rapper turned actor T.I. (aka Clifford Joseph Harris), who is quite believable as a thug, but never as the clever mastermind to a $20 million dollar heist.

What the film lacks in smarts it makes up for in its thrilling action sequences. Sure, at times the loose camera action can be a bit dizzying to the viewer, but it helps to heighten the suspense, such as Chris Brown’s fabulously athletic chase scene.  The action felt like it belonged in a much better film, and actually made the experience quite enjoyable. It is obvious director John Lussenhop has a good handle on directing action, next he needs to focus on solidifying the plot, and he could have an exceptional film on his hands.

If you are looking for a film that has great thrills, but doesn’t contain a lot of thought once you peer beneath the surface, then Takers is a film for you. It might not be a heist film that competes with the classics, but it makes for a fun matinee.

Grade: B-

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